the die is cast Getting To Yes

The average person pays more attention to what she is saying or thinking than she hears, or how her words "land" on another person.This self-Participation became worse in an argument.By using "focused speaking" you can be a more effective communicator, a simple and efficient technology that can help you focus on how good your communication is, whether it's your child, or a big family, or togetherworkers."How do I know what he (she) wants?"May be the most worrying issue in the relationship.Most people don't want to be rejected, criticized, or otherwise get the result of guessing what others want.When we ask a question, most of us want a "yes" answer, so we want to ask the right question from the right person at the right time.The question is, how do we know what's right?Since most of our interactions are through conversations, here's a relatively simple technique that you can use very successfully when the outcome of interacting with someone is really important.I call it "focused speaking" and what really matters is focus instead of guessing what the other person is thinking.Whether you talk to your family, child or spouse, using careful language will help you reach an agreement.The guidelines for focus on speaking just refers to focus not only on what you are talking about, but also on how your partner accepts it.If you look carefully when you want to express your opinion, your partner's facial expressions, body movements and postures will provide clues (looking interested, fidgeting, looking bored, wandering your eyes, trying to interrupt, an angry or confused facial expression, or a blank, empty gaze) helps you to know if you are understood.By using the following steps, you can learn to observe your partner as he/she listens to you to see if you have succeeded in conveying what you want your partner to hear, without any verbal communication from your partner.
Not very talkative;
Think that disagreeing or opposing will "hurt your feelings ";
It is the type of unfeeling, strong, silent;
It is easy to be overwhelmed in the discussion;
Passive, depressed, or flinch.Sometimes such partners are reluctant to let you know if they have a negative reaction to what you say.If your partner does not receive what you want to say and you insist on speaking without understanding the partner's reaction, your partner may become less and less happy with what you say and stop listening, become very confused, mentally oppose or argue with you silently, or do not want to be talked at all.If you don't see the thread in a focused language, you may have a pleasant chat, and suddenly your partner will react angrily, misunderstand you, or no longer be interested in listening, all your communication efforts are in vain.By using the guidelines below, you can find out when you are not communicating well or get the response you want.




When your partner is too distracted, stressed or upset to really hear what you're talking about (through facial expressions, body language, and attention), these steps will help you learn to speak with your heart
1.Pay attention to your audienceBe careful not to focus too much on what you say when effective communication is important to you, so that you forget to observe your partner.Staring at your partner's face and body will let your partner know that you care if she or she hears your voice and increase your partner's tendency to communicate with your eyes, so, let him or her listen more carefully.
2.Look for clues from your partner's facial expressions (smile, frown, dull eyes) body position (upright, alert, depressed, away from you, unfocused) and movements (leaning towards you, stay away from you, be fidgety and fidgety ).For example, if you say "I love you" and then you find your other half turning and looking out the window, the clue you get is that you don't get it the way you want it.Either your partner is too distracted to hear you, or he or she has a problem with what you say.
3.Ask, Don't guess.If the response you get seems unusual or inappropriate to what you say (you think you are adding that your partner looks confused, injured or angry;Or you think that you are stating objective facts and your partner seems to disagree;You are angry, but your partner is smiling) ask a gentle question, for example, "I thought I gave you a supplement, but you look annoyed.Did I say something wrong?Or, "Oh my God, I thought it would be nice for you to hear this, but you look frustrated.Please tell me what you're thinking.Or, "I'm mad at what you said just now, but you're smiling.Did I get you wrong?Or, just "do you agree ?"?
4.Don't say too long.If your partner becomes agitated, or looks into space while you're talking, or if what you're saying is emotionally uncomfortable, then time is not good for speaking (business pressure, the ball game starts), your partner is boring, or you have been talking for too long.
If you feel like you're talking too long, or your partner is bored, please invite him or her to comment: "What do you think?"Or" Do you think so?Or "I say too much (or too fast )?"?If you think this is a bad moment, ask: "You look distracted.Is this a good time to talk about this?"(If it's a bad time, try again at different times.
5.Looking for confusion.Pay attention when you speak, and it's also easy to spot ununderstanding and confusion.If your partner starts to have a blank or glassAs soon as your eyes look, or seem worried or confused, you may have put forward too many ideas at once, or you may not have explained your ideas clearly enough.Ask a question again: "Do I make sense to you?"Did I go too fast ?"Or do you have any questions?"Sometimes, what you say is suspended and will give your partner a room where he or she needs to ask a question to clarify his or her confusion.
6.Don’t blame.Blaming your audience (for example, insisting that he or she is not paying enough attention) will only exacerbate the problem.Instead, ask a question like "I don't think I explain it clearly.Did I lose you?Or, "is there too much I'm bringing up at once ?"?"Expressing the problem in words indicates that you are looking for ways to improve your style and clarity, which invites collaboration and encourages teamwork.By using the above guidelines, you can immediately find out if you communicate well with your partner while speaking.If you see signs of confusion or trouble, whether you're talking to your partner, child or someone else, you can easily get things back on track.When you and your partner know how to listen and understand each other, you will find that any struggle can be resolved.Whatever the problem is, it's never important to keep your partnership healthy and productive.As long as both of you are an effective team that can solve problems and solve problems together, you can handle anything over time.